3. Bleachers-I Wanna get Better
SO I truly don’t like talking about my personal life on here
for a variety of reasons mostly being that there are things that need not be
discussed because they’re greatly personal but I have to say 2014 was a fairly
shitty and heavy year for me people.
I went through a series of terrible events that lead to me
having to make decisions in putting myself in places that I never thought I’d
be in and I almost did things to myself that are quite crazy to think about and
amongst it all I kind of lost interest in the things I love and have had to
re-examine my whole path and one of the moments were something small hit me was
actually the first time I heard this song.
Earlier this year I kind of had a mental breakdown of the
worst kind and had to seek serious help and I remember being in a hospital for
a small period of time and I recall on the day I left I’d woken up really early
that day and was wandering around the hall and noticed another patient watching
AMTV video block and the video for this song came on and I honestly ignored it
completely as a random forgettable song.
The funny thing about that is as soon as I kind of got back
to normal life and things just went to shit all over again I found this song
would just randomly come up and I paid attention more to its title and the
lyrics being sang and just one day something hit me that was the truest
expression of it all…
“Woke Up this morning Early before my family, from this
dream were she was trying to show me, how a life could move from the darkness
she said to get better, So I put a bullet where I should of put a helmet, and I
crashed my car ‘cause I wanna get carried away, that’s why I’m standing on the
overpass screaming to myself, HEY I WANNA GET BETTER!”
That line was more true than anything ever should be and I
honestly did almost that one grandly fucked up expression of calling for help
because I know I need to get better and seeing them sing that live was a bit of
an eye opener that didn’t hit me oddly enough but every time I hear that line I
really do think to myself that it’s a little to true for its own good.
I almost did a bad thing people and I have to live one day
at a time and while I really hate were things are at times and feel a victim of
my own vices and semi dead on the inside there are little rays of hope amongst
all the fucking bull shit that leave me to say I wanna get better and this blog, my story I’ve been writing, and
the support of my family are what I honestly have because after two fucking
shitty ass roommates fucking me over, kind of learning the hard way that
friendship isn’t shit, and having the worst and lowest points of my life I
guess that’s all I can really say….
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